Speed Crash Course

CARLO CADUFF

King’s College London

Warning: The speed crash course is not suited for EVERYONE . . . Some readers might find it stressful and prefer a much more relaxed approach to . . . !

In a nutshell . . . for readers in a rush . . . Need a jargon-free explanation of . . . ? You’ll find it here! The speed crash course . . . provides everything you need to know . . . Discover how and why things can go . . . You’ll get a crystal-clear introduction to . . . and insight into issues such as . . .

The author is an expert of . . .

There’s no better introduction to . . . than . . . !

To survive in this fast-moving WORLD . . . you need to keep up with things . . . It’s difficult to sit down and find the time to . . .

The fact is . . . there’s no time . . . not even for . . . !

The speed crash course . . . brought to you by Quick CA Enterprises . . . will teach you everything . . . You’ll get the basics . . . and some guidance . . . in five minutes or less! I’ve crash-coursed the subject . . . to reveal the big picture . . . in no time . . . you’ll figure it out!

I’ve done my best to be concise . . .

You’ll instantly get what it is . . . and how it WORKS in the real world! You’ll learn how your attitude . . . applies to . . . including . . . You’ll discover . . . the power of . . . You’ll access an incredible force . . .

This energy, vitality, and strength . . .

This feeling of infinity . . .

The speed crash course . . . will drive you . . . !

Once you’ve completed the crash course . . . you’ll push the boundaries . . . and determine how fast you can go . . . You’ll accelerate things . . . and make the most of the time you’ve got!

On a side note: I’ve raced through my entire life . . . I’ve got a few stories to tell you . . . in my own words . . . in my own style!

Now take a few MINUTES . . . if possible . . . and consider the following . . .

It’s 5:15 . . .

Reading takes time . . . so much time! What if you could go faster? Imagine what you could do . . . in no time . . . once you increase . . . the speed of your reading . . .

You could get . . . much faster . . . to the END!

Speed-reading has been around a long time . . . George Washington was a speed-reader . . . Thomas Jefferson was a speed-reader . . . Abraham Lincoln was a speed-reader . . . Theodore Roosevelt was a speed-reader . . . John F. Kennedy was a speed-reader . . .

Pressed for time? Join the club . . . crash-course now!

You can easily . . . double the speedofyourreading . . . trust me . . . and give it a shot . . .

It won’t take much time to overcome your HURDLES . . . improve your concentration . . . control your eye movements . . . expand your visual power . . .

I’ve great techniques for you to use . . .

You’ll soon read multiple words at a time . . . with only one fixation point!

Speed-readers tend to forget what they just read . . . What they need is a memory stick . . . a memory hack . . . some professional advice . . . Need to memorize things quickly? Repetition won’t work! Here are a few steps to memorize things faster . . .

Prepare and avoid distractions . . .
Start drinking some tea . . .
Write EVERYTHING down . . .
Teach it to someone . . .
Take a break . . .

The time?

It’s 5:15 . . .

Fixation points: Girl of nine . . . on the M9 . . . killed in a crash . . . three-car collision . . . but in-between . . . drivers fled the scene . . . she SCREAMED in terror . . . down the road . . . on the opposite side . . . the car swerves to the right . . . at this point . . . God forbid . . . there’s a killer on the road . . . a woman . . . squeezed through the gap . . . she pulls a stop . . . now time seems to slow . . . in the silent rain . . . on the motorway . . . a man and a woman . . . also killed . . .

No need to read this again . . . (regressing) . . . instead turn the page . . . (progressing) . . . Now focus on . . . four words at a time . . . pace yourself . . . through your books . . . be persistent . . . stick to your PLAN . . . continue to read . . . with purpose . . . change your habits . . . read on schedule . . . use a clock . . . control your speed . . . Imagine . . . all the free time . . . you’ll instantly get . . .

Achieve more with . . .

It’s the secret to success!

Crush-on-crash?

Got it!

The time?

It’s 5:15 . . .

MY PAGE-TURNER COLLECTION

On speed you must read . . . (sorry to abbreviate but I must accelerate)

Virilio: Speed and Politics
Kundera: Slowness
Wolin: What Time Is It?
Duffy: The Speed Handbook
Kerouac: On the Road
Ballard: Crash
Derrida: Speed and Phenomena
Marinetti: The Futurist Cookbook
Connolly: Thinking, Culture, Speed
De Quincey: The English Mail-Coach
Koselleck: Is There an Acceleration of History?
Rosa: High-Speed Society
Barthes: The Jet-Man
Céline: North

It’s called shortlisting . . .

The beauty of . . .

Accelerating miracles!

Life’s a COMPETITION (not just on TV) . . . If you wanna win . . . and really succeed . . . anticipate the trend . . .

The next big thing?

The ultrafast machine!

I wish . . . I had millions to invest . . .

Apologies . . . for the sharp transition . . . but . . .

Korea is the land of speed!

A SYLLOGISM (TO SAVE TIME)

Speed is time . . . saved

Time is money . . .

Speed is money . . . saved!

PHYSICS 101

Scalars and vectors . . . remember the difference . . . speed . . . a scalar quantity . . . velocity . . . a vector quantity . . . If you don’t know what the HELL . . . go back and . . .

Speed is velocity without direction . . .

To pick up speed . . . is to go faster . . . without knowing . . . where you’re going . . .

Don’t ask me for directions!

The time?

It’s 5:15 . . .

HOT PURSUIT

The crash-for-cash driver (caught in the act) . . . staging a COLLISION . . . to pocket your money . . .

Everything will be revealed . . . by the man in the hair salon . . .

If . . . on a winter’s night . . . a car . . .

USW

Ultimate Speed Writing . . . is the driver’s guide . . . to writing faster . . . In this urgent and extremely gipping book . . . award-winning speed-writer . . . covers everything you need to know . . . to become a more complete . . . Taking readers along . . . on a fascinating journey . . . the master of the nonfiction narrative presents a series of detailed DRILLS . . . and practical TECHNIQUES . . . In less than six hours . . . you will learn how to write . . . at speeds of forty words per minute . . .

TELEGRAPHIC SUMMARY (MIDWAY)

EVERYONE STOP WORLD STOP WORKS STOP MINUTES STOP END STOP HURDLES STOP EVERYTHING STOP SCREAMED STOP PLAN STOP SPEED STOP COMPETITION STOP HELL STOP COLLISION STOP DRILLS STOP TECHNIQUES STOP

CATCH UP (ON SPEED IN HASTE)

Speed is excess . . . a thing that’s always ahead . . .

To understand what it is . . . abandon yourself . . . to the LIFE of the object!

Catch up with . . . and get ahead of . . .

The death of distance . . .

You can’t miss . . . this great opportunity . . . while the rest of the WORLD . . . races ahead . . .

Abbreviate to accelerate is my motto . . . As you can see I fell in love with my object . . . it took a while . . . but now things are going . . . really fast . . .

It’s the ride of my life!

The ultimate transgression!

It got me . . . ahead of myself . . .

The time?

It’s 5:15 . . .

STARS DOWN TO EARTH

Last month . . . you were eager to press FORWARD . . . but could not . . . because Mercury was retrograde . . . Sitting back and wait . . . is not your style . . . but to go against Mercury retrograde . . . was out of sync . . . with the vibrations at play . . . Now . . . with nothing to hold you back . . . you can go again . . . full speed ahead . . . !

The pace of life will slow down . . . from April through September . . . a very long time . . . so put your foot to the pedal . . . and speed ahead . . . while all conditions are right for you . . . You will notice that the tempo of life . . . will pick up noticeably by February . . . when Mercury will have fine-tuned its orbit . . . Mars will make you eager to succeed . . . so develop your strategy . . . for your aim must be PERFECT . . . You will defend your ideas passionately . . . and others will be drawn to you immediately . . . because of the attractive energy you display . . .

TEN WAYS TO SLOW DOWN (AND STILL GET THINGS DONE)

Disc.
Do ntg.
Stare at pctr.
Appreciate ntr.
Focus on frnds.
Choose an actv.
Block tm.
Eat lss.
Say n.
Brth.

LOVE OF THE ULTRAFAST MACHINE

Sinking fast? Need a break? This machine will serve you well!

In the blink of an eye . . . it will make you SLOW down . . . It’s easy to handle . . . will never break down . . .

We at Slow Ventures believe . . . that the future is very bright . . . and very different than the present!

Technology is our DNA . . .

Flyover Living^TM . . . has been designed . . . to hasten things . . .

So that you can rest . . . and take more time . . .

Say goodbye . . . to the big hurry!

Get rid of all the STRESS . . .

Let someone else . . . be on call!

The time?

It’s 5:15 . . .

SPEED IN HEAVEN

Racing ahead . . . through the sky . . . five miles high . . .

Seeking DISTRACTIONS . . . to pass the time . . .

Reading . . . writing . . . watching . . . waiting . . .

Delivered like a package . . . to a destination . . .

Motionless . . . on the way to . . .

Inert . . . in a rusty can . . . heading toward . . .

I’m on it! I’m on it! I’m on it!

Passenger or pilot?

Speed . . . strapped me into a seat . . . and slowed me down . . .

Plastered with waste and plastic . . .

I’m craving for a crash . . .

STANDSTILL

Sorry to interrupt your journey . . .

but revolutions are an attempt . . .

by passengers on a train . . .

to pull the emergency brake . . .

(Benjamin)

TRIAGE (IN THE EVENT OF AN EMERGENCY)

Black	you can’t be help . . .
Red	you can be helped . . .
Yellow	your treatment can be delayed . . .
White	you’re FINE . . .

THOUGHTS ON WAR (FULL SPEED)

You are on prompt global strike mission now . . . you can attack any place on the PLANET . . . in a matter of hours or less . . . You can tailor the attack for the actual target . . . and deliver it very quickly . . . with the shortest time lines . . .

No delays! Not now!

Lift up your head . . . and push the button . . . and join the war . . . on time and space . . .

THOUGHTS ON DEATH (HOW TO GET AHEAD OF)

Sudden death . . . preferable to . . . slow death . . .

The shortcut . . . in case of . . .

A list . . . with OPTIONS . . . to meet your end . . . in a timely fashion . . .

Drowning
Heart attack (very common)
Bleeding (speed of death depends on type of bleeding)
Decapitation (nearly instantaneous)
Electrocution
Fall from height (if possible aim to land feet first)
Hanging (speed of death depends on hangman’s skill)
Lethal injection (is it really painless?)
Explosive decompression (it takes your breath away)

Apropos drowning (first option) . . . here’s another example . . . of telegraphic lyricism . . . from the TITANIC . . . to give you directions . . .

WE ARE SINKING FAST STOP PASSENGERS ARE BEING PUT INTO BOATS STOP PLEASE ADVISE

This is speed culture talking . . .

It’s typing, not writing!

The time?

It’s 5:15 . . .

Acknowledgments

My thanks to Maria José de Abreu, Angie Heo, Tara Mahfoud, Rudolf Mrázek, Abin Thomas, the Culture, Medicine, and Power research group, and the editors of this Openings collection: Vincent Duclos, Tomás Sánchez Criado, and Vinh-Kim Nguyen.